Care and Feeding of the Soul

For me - at this time and place in my life, the last couple of weeks in Rossland have been magical and nourishing to my soul. I can't point to a single reason. It's the perfect fall weather, the crunch of dry leaves underfoot, the magnificent fall color which is now beginning to fade, the exquisite scenery, breathing mountain air, seeing an amazing sunrise. It's being out in nature for hours each day hiking the trails and exploring the area, where it sometimes feels like I'm entering sacred space and where, for some inexplicable reason, it sometimes feels like I've come home. It's the thrill of feeling stronger and more fit than I've been in a long time.  It's meeting new people and knowing I have choices in this "after life" beyond those previously considered. It's knowing there is much to explore without ever leaving this country.  It's fun. It's easy going. It's exactly what I need. 

But there is another side. Of course there is. There is always another side, and for me, it's the triggers.  There have been many, sometimes occurring almost one on top of the other.  Like seeing bikers taking their last, precious rides of the season, riding in a truck the same make, model and color as Brian's, doing everyday errands like picking up mulch or truck parts, smelling the familiar smells of solvents, oil and other chemicals in a shop, hearing a Fleetwood Mac song (Brian would have only cared about Stevie Nicks, of course and would have completely disregarded the rest of the band), driving secondary highways to visit a hydro dam and generating station, getting advice about downshifting on mountain roads.  What's interesting is that the triggers are oddly comforting. Instead of the searing pain I've experienced before, when they occur, I feel like he's nearby.  

It's such a blending of past and present with the recognition that the future has potential to be great - looking forward while remaining connected to the past.  It's ironic, but it is because of Brian's death that I'm so able to appreciate every moment life has to offer. There are are no guarantees about tomorrow. Live today in color.